the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
