Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
