I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
