Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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