i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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