dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
