Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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