The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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