explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
