I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
