ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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