Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
