Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
