they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
