The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
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