I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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