I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
