you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
