Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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