i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
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