There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
