what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
