Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
