I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
love makes seman taste better
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?