If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.