What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me