I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
