Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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