just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize