are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
