so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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