Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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