a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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