Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
