You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
