Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
