who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
