ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it hurts more in the daytime
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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