Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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