My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
