the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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