sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
