it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
