His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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