a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
