I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
