he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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