so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
