I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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