i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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