remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
