I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
