about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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