another moral hangover. fuck.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
being pregnant is like rehab
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
