she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
