I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
