I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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