she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
