i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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