the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
