just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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