Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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