you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
