You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
