one might say we're banned from that church
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
