WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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