Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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