dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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