i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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