she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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