he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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