I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
two words: eviction party
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.