my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...