we're blogging at a bar
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way