Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.