my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
