Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
