Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
