What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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